A Life for a Life
by xXSuzuXx
Summary: Harry finds an old spell book, where he reads a spell that sends him back in time. He soon learns that he's living his mother's life.
1. Chapter 1

The room of requirement could fulfil any student's wishes. More than a few times I'd stumbled upon it before, and more than a few times, I'd learned a little bit about myself from it. With all that was going on in my sixth year at Hogwarts, I'd found sanctuary in the room. There were few people that would ever find the room, if only because nobody knew to look. It was a place where I could be alone with my thoughts.

Before then, I'd never thought about looking around. I wasn't thinking of looking around then, either; I just was. Not for any particular reason. I was lost in my own thoughts, wandering through row upon row of books. Hermione would have loved this. Any person could have spent their life here, and never have been miserable, I felt. A person can't feel whole when they're completely alone, however.

It felt like mere chance that Sunday afternoon, when a book flew off the top shelf and thumped to the ground before me. Startled, I stumbled a couple steps back, then focused on the book. It was an old book of spells and hexes. I should have known by then that nothing happens by chance at Hogwarts.

Chance couldn't have made me decide to pick up the book instead of leave it where it was, or sit down with it and begin to flip through pages. I'm not much of a reader. Ron isn't either. That's always been more of Hermione's thing. Yet there I was, flipping through various spells and reading their descriptions.

My eyes settled on one in particular. My interest was peaked. A spell that could apparently switch a life with another, if only I could think of a life I wanted. This book had to be fake. I laughed at it, but curiosity overcame me, and before long I was reading the spell aloud, searching for someone, anyone who might come to mind. Was there anyone I would have liked to switch lives with? I didn't think so. I didn't think it would work, either.

I recited the incantation slowly, waving my wand about. A bright light shone from the book, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Then I passed out.

* * *

><p>Yes, the first chapter is short. It's a bit of a teaser, hm?<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

The sun was hanging low in the sky. It was bright, and puffy white clouds filled most of the sky.

I closed my eyes.

The sun was high in the sky, but shaded by the clouds. And a face. "Harry?" The voice sounded distant, and blurry. "What are you doing out here?" I couldn't understand a word.

I was staring at my own reflection, and I was smiling, a wide, cheeky smile. I couldn't feel myself smiling. There wasn't much I could feel, just my eyes stinging, and my head throbbing from the bright light.

Remembering the lights then, I sat up. My head collided with something hollow and hard, and groaning, I laid back. I'd hit my head on my reflection. No, it wasn't my reflection. My reflection would have had the same colour eyes as me. This person didn't. There was laughter, and not from the same person who'd spoken to me. "Oh, good going Evans." Evans?

I groaned again; I must have been imagining things. But I wasn't. "Prongs, is it safe to come out yet?"

There was another groan, and this time it didn't belong to me. "Yes, it's safe Wormtail. We're far enough from the school now, nobody will know we're out here."

"What if they come looking for us?" A brunette who was a little chubby was uncovered, appearing from head to toe.

"They won't find us." The unidentified male of the group told him.

I knew who they were already, though, and I was sure I must have been dreaming. "What are you guys doing here?" I asked.

My sixteen or so year old father laughed. "Didn't you hear me? I think the question should be, what are _you doing here, Harry? It's the middle of the day! You should be in class!" He sat down sort of beside, and sort of behind me, folding his arms behind his head as he leaned back against a tree. I had to look behind me to see him. He looked exactly like me. Rather, I looked exactly like him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and hug him, and I wanted to pinch myself to see if this was really happening._

_The next to laugh was Wormtail. "What, we haven't been a bad influence on you, have we E-Evans?" His voice was nasally, but not so bad as I remembered. I wished I could have warned my father, that his friend would betray him, and cause his death. There was so much I wished I could do. _

"_Evans?" I couldn't say anything else, and I was questioning something that I felt was much less important. Why was I being addressed as Evans? That wasn't my name. "Why are you calling me Evans? My name's Harry." His father seemed to be the only one to know that. "Harry Potter." The trio howled. _

"_Whoa." Sirius chuckled. _

_James sat up and wrapped his arms around my waist. The feeling was a little disturbing. He kissed my cheek. "Don't go getting ahead of yourself, Evans. We're still too young to marry, after all." He looked completely serious. Then that smug grin returned, and he leaned back. "Someday, though, someday." _

_Something was seriously wrong here. I pinched my cheek, then winced. It hurt. I wasn't dreaming, but I didn't understand what was going on. Had I gone back in time? That would explain a lot. Except for why my father, Sirius and Peter seemed to know who I was, to some extent. They acted like they knew who I was, at least._

_I glanced about then, trying to figure out where I was. We were by the Forbidden Forest, where Hagrid's hut should have been. It was the middle of the day, as I'd been told, but nobody was around anywhere. I looked down at myself, and around at the others. We were all in Gryffindor robes, but they looked a little different, I thought. Nothing in particular I could really pick out, though. _

_Then I realized that someone was missing. "Where's L- Remus?"_

"_Did you hit your head too hard, Evans?" Sirius was the next to sit down, sitting closer to James than myself. He was grinning from ear to ear. "Remus would never miss a class, you know that. He's going to be furious when he realizes we're missing." _

"_He probably already knows." Peter joked. "Moony has a sixth sense about these things, he knows when anyone misses any class ever." He was the last to sit, and it was kind of an awkward movement, where he tried to sit down gracefully, but ended up falling backwards and falling flat on his bottom. _

_That sounded like it could have been Remus. Not the Remus I knew, exactly, but a younger Remus, maybe. I knew very little about his parents, and their friends when they were younger, so I could only imagine what they'd been like. They were a little different than I would have imagined. From what little I knew, the group had been bullies, which made me feel that they should have been more terrible than they were now. They actually seemed like half decent people. Even Peter. _

_Giving more thought to it, I realized that I probably didn't understand anything about these people. I had only heard, and seen a couple of memories. I didn't really know any of these people; only their future selves. _

_I couldn't believe I was really here. I felt like it should have been fake, but it was all incredibly realistic. I was in a place where I could see my dad, and Sirius. They were both alive and healthy right now. Everyone was alive and healthy right now. Everyone was here. Or… maybe not. "Where's m- Lily?" I asked. _

"_Lily?" James sounded surprised, and it was not a good sign. _

_Sirius shook his head. "Who are you talking about, Evans? Your dream girl?" He seemed thoroughly amused. "There are no Lily's here. If there were, I would know." His voice was full of pride, and there was no doubt expressed between the three. _

_There was no Lily? I wondered what had happened. Where was she, if not at Hogwarts? I knew she was a Hogwart's student, and that was where she and my father had met. _

_Then it clicked. Lily Evans didn't exist anymore. _

_No, it wasn't that. I was now Harry Evans, and the real Lily Evans? Well, I don't know what happened to her. Maybe she was gone. Or maybe she was off living my life. One thing was for sure; she didn't exist in this time and place anymore. _

_I remembered the bright light again, and then the old spell book I'd found in the room of requirement. Had the spell really worked? If that was the case, then we must have really switched places. I was living her life, and she was living mine. I wondered what that meant for the two of us, and what kind of life I was supposed to be living. Knowing nothing about my own mother's life, and fully remembering the life I had already, living right now would be difficult. Could I get away with being myself? _

_I had never expected the spell to work, and now that I was here, there was a lot on my mind. _

_What exactly had I done? How long would this spell last? How was I going to get back to my own life? Would it wear off? Would I need to find the book again, to reverse the spell? Was there even a way to get back to my own life? _

_What if I was stuck here forever? _


	3. Chapter 3

I'd hardly been in this life for a day and I already had a detention for skipping classes. I couldn't exactly say that I hadn't known I was skipping class, otherwise I might not have sounded sane. It was the truth, but I kept my mouth shut and let James handle everything.

Luckily for me, James and Sirius told Filch - who'd found us after no more than fifteen minutes - that they'd been at fault for my cutting class. They told he and other teachers I didn't recognize that they'd forced me to come along with them and had dragged me away. Filch insisted that I looked comfortable where I was, but the two went on about it. I wasn't sure whether the trio of staff gave in because the pair was convincing, or because they were getting to be both confusing and annoying.

I played along, and I was lucky enough to get off with only having to write lines for most of the evening. I'm not sure what sort of punishment James, Sirius and Peter received, as they refused to tell me, but I had the feeling that it was much, much worse than the one I received. It was a great start to a sort of new life.

A life that would only be mine until I found a way to get back to my own.

I wondered if Ron and Hermione had noticed that something was off yet, or if my mother had completely taken my place in my life. Would she even be friends with a pair like Ron and Hermione? I could only assume so. Relationships with others were all the same, and we couldn't be that different, could we? That made me wonder more. Had she done all the same things I had? Could she have experienced everything I had? I felt bad for her. I felt bad for myself.

The hours ticked by slowly, and I was lost in thought, asking myself about a thousand 'what if's.

I was exhausted by the time I'd finished my sentence, and was allowed to return to the Gryffindor tower. I suddenly felt relieved that my mom had been a Gryffindor.

Upon returning to the tower, I was faced with another dilemma. Where was my room? I glanced between the boy's and the girl's staircase. If I was living my mother's life, then I would be in the girl's dorms, right? I felt my face heat, and before I could tell myself otherwise, I was headed towards the girl's staircase.

Behind me there was laughter, and then a hand was placed firmly on my shoulder. "Evans, where do you think you're going?" I looked back at who had spoken, focusing on the vaguely familiar face. It was Remus.

"Lay off, Mooney. I think he hit his head a little too hard today." James told him, shrugging.

"I like the way you think when you've lost it." Sirius grinned, and decided my shoulder made a good armrest.

My face could not have been redder. "Did you forget what gender you are?" Peter chimed in. "Or just where you sleep?" The male looked almost hopeful that someone was listening, and appeared extremely happy when he stirred laughter. I bit my lip. It wasn't that I'd forgotten, it was just that I didn't know in the first place. I nodded, and there was more laughter.

"Well, come with us then." James took my hand and began tugging me in the right direction, and all but Sirius followed.

"There's someone I'd like to get my paws on." We were momentarily distracted to see who he was talking about. A tall brunette was lounging around, draping herself over the largest seat in the common room. James and Peter both grinned, but Remus groaned and tugged at Sirius' ear.

"No." He told him simply. I could have sworn I saw jealousy in him, but I didn't know Remus' expressions all that well.

Sirius pouted. "Why not?"

Looking a little more irritated with the teen, Remus began pulling at his ear as if to lead him in the right direction. "You've already gotten yourself in enough trouble for one day, I don't need you to get into any more."

Despite being told off, Sirius looked a little proud. He reached for Remus' hand, and tore it away from his ear. "C'mon, I'll get you a date too." With that, he waved a brief goodbye and began pulling a flustered, and very protestant Remus along with him.

Neither James nor Peter seemed to care that they'd just lost two of their friends, and continued to guide me to our dorm. I wasn't sure whether or not to be surprised that I was sharing with the four.

Peter gestured at a bed I assumed was mine, and I sat down. This was going to be much, much more difficult than I originally thought. I didn't even know who I was supposed to be, what kind of life I was supposed to lead, and what my days were supposed to be like. How was I going to function tomorrow? If there was a tomorrow. I sincerely hoped I would be myself again when I woke the next day.

I was so troubled that I didn't notice my father was speaking until his face was right in front of mine, a narrow space of an inch or so between our noses. I jerked my head back. "Wh-what?" I stammered. I was afraid he might try to kiss my cheek again.

"You're really out of it today, Harry." Concern touched the almost reflection of my image as he sat himself on my bed. "Maybe you ought to visit the hospital wing."

"Or get some sleep." Peter suggested.

"Or that." James agreed.

I liked that suggestion better, and nodded, laying back on the bed and resting my eyes. In no time, I was asleep, comforted by the sound of James and Peter discussing something I couldn't care less about in the background.

* * *

><p>Remus was the one to wake me the next morning.<p>

I blinked, feeling groggy as I tried to recall where I was, and who he was. It took me nearly a minute to recall the events of the previous day. For a minute or so, I felt panicked. I'd kind of hoped I would wake up back home again, but here I was. Still in my mother and father's time. "Are you alright?" I felt the back of his hand touch my forehead, and he sighed. "Are you up for our regular studying session this morning?" I wasn't sure that I was, but I nodded, and he looked relieved.

It was strange, studying with Remus, who had once been my professor. None of the other Gryffindor boys were even awake at this hour, so of the very few people in the library, we were the only Gryffindor students. There were mostly Ravenclaws, a pair of Hufflepuff students, and one greasy haired, fairly small Slytherin student who looked very familiar. As he looked up, I immediately turned my head from him, afraid of getting into trouble. When I recalled that we were both students, and likely in the same year, my eyes cautiously shifted back in his direction. By then, his attention was back on the book on the table before him, and the look on his face was a little depressing. Remus pulled me toward a bookshelf, where he began pulling down books. "We have a test in potions today." He reminded me. I could vaguely recall hearing something like that. "You'll do wonderfully, I'm sure, but I could use the extra hours to study." He admitted shyly. He appeared to be a little disappointed in himself. Enough so that he didn't notice how much of a loss I was at.

Potions was by far not my best subject. There were few subjects that I felt I was particularly good at. Potions was not one of them. I was filled with a sense of dread. Remus had made it perfectly clear - though without stating it - that he needed my help in the subject, and I did not have the knowledge, nor the skill to help him.

The study session began anyways, and to say I was shocked by the end of it was an understatement.

I knew things that I knew I didn't know, I could answer any question, explain any potion flawlessly. I was beyond confused. How could I possibly know any of these things? It was true, I had learned a lot from Snape - more than he and I could possibly know at that time - but not to that extent. It didn't occur to me for some time that I must have been as bright as my mother was, and she as bright as me. Again, I felt bad for her, but I was more curious as to what else I might know now. I'd hardly heard Remus' 'thank you' when I returned it, and he seemed a bit confused.

By the time classes started, I was more than eager to begin the day. Slowly, the schedule that would have been my own was replaced with that of my mother's. I was a little uncertain, still, but I also felt confident that I could keep up with her courses. My head was filled with knowledge I hadn't even noticed until I began studying.

I was pleased to find that I was more competent than usual all morning. I was much more intelligent than I could ever remember myself being. I also got far less attention for it. After living a few years as a wizard who was famous only for surviving a curse as an infant, I was used to being the center of attention all the time. Whether I did something well, or not so well, somebody was bound to notice. Here, I didn't even know who my friends were. I found myself socializing with girls from each of the houses. I didn't think I would know what to talk about with them, but conversation seemed to come naturally. It surprised me; I'd never been so smooth with the ladies before. Or men.

It was not what I was accustomed to, but I still received a little attention. The attention I was receiving was more subtle than what I was used to, but by midday, I'd noticed that it was still there. I was still admired, and every so often gawked at. Unfortunately, the attention mostly came from other males. There was respect from females, but as friends. They were supposed to be my friends, but I couldn't help but miss Ron and Hermione. My real friends.

At lunch, I separated myself from everyone, and took to wandering the halls. Hogwarts was mapped out clearly in my mind, and very little was different. Everything was the way I remembered, and it was a strange, bittersweet feeling. My mind wandered, and I hoped to not run into anyone.

Such hopes were crushed pretty quickly, as water was dumped on a particular greasy haired boy who was walking not far ahead of me. Then there was laughter. Laughter I was becoming all too familiar with. "Good heavens, what have we here?" James stepped out from his hiding spot behind a bush, followed by Sirius and Peter, who shared the same twisted grin. I assumed Remus was off studying. "It never fails to surprise me what impeccable timing you have, Snivellus, to walk beneath a random spurt of rain."

"We should take advantage of this, James, and give his hair a good wash, shall we?" Sirius suggested. Snape scowled, now soaked from head to toe, his books surely ruined. He let them drop, and reached for his wand. "Expelliarmus!" Snape was too slow for Sirius, who already had his wand drawn and at the ready. Snape's wand was shot across the yard and out of reach in mere seconds. Students were beginning to gather 'round. A few looked disgusted, either because they wanted to do something, or because they were embarrassed that a student from Slytherin had been left defenceless so easily. Others cheered, or just watched in interest. I was too shocked to do anything.

I knew very little about Snape's past, but I did know that he was bullied. How often, for what reason, and how, I had no idea. I was more shocked, I think, at the look on Snape's face. There was a burning hatred, and a hint of fear. Then when he spotted me, he looked a little devastated, and about ready to run away.

"Hold him down!" James called. Peter was the one to comply, looping his arms around Snape's to hold him back. "Calm down, Snivellus. We're doing you a favour here." James' lips curled into a devious smirk as he pushed Snape's dripping hair back from his wand. He uttered a spell, then soap bubbles filled Snape's hair, and he cringed back.

Snape's skin was already beginning to pink from what looked like a rash.

It was almost funny, in a way, yet cruel. It was too cruel for me to find it funny enough to even crack a smile. Sirius was rubbing the shampoo through Snape's hair, making little comments about how greasy and gross the hair was as Snape struggled to free himself from Peter's hold. He was stuck, though, and before long water was dumped on him again. Peter pulled away just in time, and as he did, Snape dove for his wand. It looked like James and Sirius wanted that, as both had their wands ready, but waited for him to snatch it up and get to his feet anyways. "Se-" That's when I stepped in, afraid to let this incident turn into a duel. I'd already seen more than enough.

"Knock it off, knock it off all of you!" I shouted. The two boys before me reluctantly lowered their wands, and as I glanced over my shoulder, I saw Severus do the same.

"What's the matter, Evans?" Sirius questioned.

"Yeah, Harry, aren't you glad we gave little Snivvy a good wash?" James added. Snape snarled behind them.

"No, no I'm not!" I hadn't thought this out at all, and I was afraid I would only make Snape as defensive as my mother ha- as I had before. "You've gone too far, James! Leave him alone!"

"I don't ne-" Snape had started to speak, taking the chance to gather his things as he did.

I interrupted him. "You be quiet!" There was snickering, and Snape's face turned even more red with embarrassment. Before I, or anyone else could say anything, he turned on his heels and ran. There was more laughter, but I'm not sure he heard any of it, because he was quickly out of sight.

I was disgusted with my father, Sirius, Peter, and everyone else who'd just stood around, some even laughing at the teen who I was sure didn't deserve that sort of treatment, no matter how terrible he was. I left them quickly, sickened by them, and I didn't speak to any of them again that day.

* * *

><p>Before I knew it, three weeks had gone by. I was slowly adjusting to this new life, while searching for a way to get out of it. No matter how much I wished it, I would never wake up in my own body. Lily's memories were beginning to become stronger in my mind, and my own? They were beginning to blur. I was thinking of Ron and Hermione less and less often, and I was becoming far more familiar with this life. By the end of the second week, I'd even stopped wondering what was wrong with me.<p>

* * *

><p>** NOT PART OF THE STORY, JUST SO YOU KNOW :<p>

Now that I'm at chapter three, I thought I would introduce myself, and thank everyone for all the reviews.

For those of you who didn't know, there are two users on this account, and I'm the male one.

For the time being, I'll be trying to update with a new chapter once every three days.

This could be a very, very long fic.

Thanks for reading, everyone, and I appreciate all the reviews.

If you wish to contact me personally, you can contact me at blah_blah_

or state that you would appreciate a reply in your review.

If you would like to request any pairings, or another fic to be written, feel free!


	4. Chapter 4

I'd begun to feel guilty for sticking up for Snape after a month had passed and he'd made as much a point of avoiding me as he did everyone else. I didn't think I would ever really feel bad for Severus Snape, a man who hated me for no reason at all. That wasn't right though, was it? The Snape I knew was just a boy who was too prideful, too defensive to accept help from anyone, and I'd only managed to embarrass him by trying to 'save' him.

I was angry, or maybe I wasn't. I hated him, but I didn't. I wasn't sure what I felt toward him, really, but I did know that I felt guilt. Every so often I would catch him looking in my direction, but when he noticed that I'd spotted him, he would look away and scuttle off. James, Sirius and Peter hadn't played any other pranks on him since, but he was still getting teased quite often. It only added to my guilt. Maybe I should have let him handle things on his own, or maybe I shouldn't have tried to keep him from saying anything stupid, at least. That had only succeeded in making him feel more humiliated, probably.

Five weeks after the incident, I'd become determined to apologize, or at least speak to him. There was reason for him to apologize too, after all. Or was there? Hadn't he already apologized? I shook my head. I'd seen the memory before, but now I wasn't sure whether it was my memory, or Lily's memory. Lily, who was a girl who… had red hair. My head hurt when I tried to remember who Lily was, so I stopped thinking about her. I just couldn't shake the feeling that she was someone important.

It was a Wednesday afternoon, and just after supper when I spotted Seve- Snape, and decided while I had the chance that I would confront him. Giving the excuse that I had to get some homework done to my friends, which they didn't doubt, I then slipped away from the Gryffindor table, and out of the dining hall. I wasn't sure, exactly, where Snape was heading, but I assumed we were headed toward the library. I wanted to wait until we were in a private area to confront him. I was just about to turn a corner behind him when I heard a voice calling my name. At first I ignored it and tried to ignore it again, but when I heard my name a third time, I had to stop and turn around. "Harry!" Hissed a teen who greatly resembled Sirius. I would have assumed he was Sirius, but they did look somewhat different. This boy was shorter, and a Slytherin.

I had no idea who he was. At least, that was my first thought. I recognized him much faster than I felt I should have. "Regulus." I greeted, with much more friendliness than I would have expected.

"Are you free right now?" He questioned, looking a little nervous.

I wasn't, but as I glanced at the corner, and realized I couldn't hear footsteps any longer, I nodded. "I am." I told him.

He looked relieved. "Great, could we go somewhere more private, then?"

What he wanted from me, I wasn't sure exactly, but for some reason I trusted him, and I nodded. I followed him as he lead me about the school until we found an empty classroom with just a couple of old tables. It looked like it might have once been a potions classroom, but I couldn't be sure. We both sat down, and Regulus tugged nervously at his robe. "So what is it?" I asked.

Regulus looked a little more nervous. "Well, you haven't come to speak to me for over a month." Of course I hadn't, I hardly knew this per- I remembered then that we'd arranged to meet once a week in the classroom. Suddenly, I felt even more guilty than I had before. But this wasn't my life. No, it was my life.

My head hurt again, so I pushed the thought from my mind. "I'm sorry, I've been a bit busy. I forgot." I explained.

Regulus nodded a little in understanding. "Alright." He murmured.

"What did you want?" I asked again.

"Oh, the same as usual, I was just wondering…" He hesitated before continuing. "How Sirius is doing."

It confused me a bit, why Regulus would ask me something like that, but then I remembered, and made the connection. Regulus was worried about his older brother, and would constantly ask me about the state of his well being. There was very little to say about him. At least, to make him sound good, anyways. "Well, he's the same as always." I told him, stretching my arms over my head as I pondered what I should say about Sirius. "He's… well, the same old Sirius." I laughed; I couldn't think of anything good to say.

The Slytherin nodded, however, apparently understanding what I meant. "He sounds well." He sighed in relief. "I heard he's earned himself his yearly share of punishments this month alone, I was worried he might have pushed his luck too far. It sounds like he's in good health, though." Regulus laughed a little, an airy, shy sort of sound. "I suppose Sirius wouldn't be living life much if he weren't getting himself in so much trouble."

We discussed the well being of Sirius for much longer than I was comfortable, but I couldn't turn Regulus away, and I felt good about myself as well. Regulus looked satisfied when he left, and a whole lot more relaxed than before. I was glad that I could relieve some of his worry for his brother, and it felt great to have a thank you. Besides, I could always approach Snape another day.

* * *

><p>Another day was what I told myself for a few days, as it turned out.<p>

On a few different occasions I'd tried to follow Snape, and I felt quite a bit like a stalker for doing so. Fate seemed almost cruel to me as day after day something, or someone got between Snape and I. Regulus the first day, James and his gang the next, then Professor Slughorn, and James and his gang again.

By the time Saturday came around, I was exasperated, but was again tempted with what seemed like a perfect opportunity.

It was a Hogsmeade weekend, so most of the students were away, and everyone else was out enjoying the day. Everyone except for Severus. He was moping about, looking as gloomy and miserable as usual. Particularly miserable today, I noticed. I wondered if anything had happened to him to put him in such a poor mood.

Following my usual plan, I made sure there was a good amount of space between Sever- Snape and I, and trailed behind him, waiting for the perfect moment to cut him off in a private area.

I was beginning to feel a little worried, and a little suspicious when he began to guide me through unfamiliar hallways, and was even more concerned when the scrawny Slytherin boy turned a corner, and his footsteps stopped. Fearing something had happened to him, or that he might have been meeting someone, I picked up my pace, then began to run, stopping abruptly when he stepped out. "Harry." He greeted, sounding a bit irate. "What are you up to? Why have you been following me?"

At a loss for words, and feeling a bit like a deer caught in headlights, I took a half step back, and he followed. "O-oh, Severus. Uh- well…" I fumbled over my words. "I wanted to see how you were doing, if you were alright, you know? I mean, if you'd forgiven me- I guess I have to apologize first for that to happen." I took a deep breath in, and released it all at once. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. Forgive me?"

Looking completely shocked, Snape's jaw hung slightly agape, and his response was a bit delayed. "You- what?" He blinked a couple times, as if there were something in his eye. "No, that's all wrong. I thought I was the one who was to apologize!" He exclaimed.

"For what, being embarrassed?" I wasn't sure what to think of this.

Snape shook his head. "Before- the last time…" His face was a bit flush. "I thought you were angry about the mudblood comment from before…" The teen trailed off, staring off to the side awkwardly.

"I am still angry." I assured him, and he winced, as if my words had somehow stung him. "But I'm still sorry." I sighed, leaning back against the wall. It was my own way of telling him that I was going to speak to him. Or at least hear him out.

For awhile, he was quiet, and he was hesitant as he spoke up. "I didn't mean it, you know… I didn't want to insult you." He averted his eyes, looking a little fearful. "I was just- just, I don't know. I wasn't thinking. I was just embarrassed." He mumbled.

"I know." I was a lot calmer about this than I should have been, I felt. I could only feel bad for him. "I understand." Se- Snape relaxed quite a bit at that, a sigh escaping his pale lips as he leaned against the wall beside me. For some reason I was surprised, yet glad that he looked comfortable.

There was a long silence between us, then Snape spoke up again. "He fancies you, you know? James, I mean."

My eyelids, which were shut at that point, opened so I could look at him. His face showed concern. "I know." I responded.

"Oh." Then there was disappointment. "Well… what about you? Do you fancy him?"

I hummed, as if I actually had to consider it. There was more disappointment, and a defeated look on his face. "I don't." I responded finally. He looked hopeful, and I had to wonder. "Yourself?"

"What?"

"Do you fancy anyone?"

Silence. I shifted a little, threatening to move, then he finally answered. "I do."

"Who?"

"Someone."

I knew he meant me. "From Gryffindor?"

Now there was shock again, and he was the one who resembled a deer caught in headlights. It took him a minute to find his words. "H-how?" He stammered. "How long have you known?"

"Not long."

"How did you know?"

"I had a hunch."

There was a longer pause, and I was the one to break the awkward silence. "Do you really like me like that?" I tried to make it clear with my body language that I wasn't going to wait through another long silence.

He nodded. "I do." He replied.

"Can you prove it?" I asked him.

"H-how?" My question seemed to startle him.

"Kiss me." I suggested.

"N-no." He refused quickly, shaking his head.

"Are you afraid?"

"I am not afraid!"

I was a little surprised that he considered it. His mouth twitched a couple times, as if there were something he wanted to say, but he just couldn't say it. This time, I was fine with the silence. It was kind of fun, I found, to watch Snape stress over what he was going to do. I was beyond surprised when he moved toward me, however, and slowly, very slowly inched closer. His movements were awkward, and very careful. He placed a hand on my arm, and another on my shoulder, then stood on his toes. He wasn't really going to go through with this, I thought, because he was definitely afraid.

Words could not express how shocked I was when he did. For an instant, there was a spark of connection between us. Well, it wasn't really as much a spark of connection, as a jolt of sudden pain as he crashed his teeth against mine.

He backed off immediately, face pink, and thoroughly embarrassed as he reached up to cover his mouth. I was doing the same, but instead of embarrassed, I was amused, and I chuckled. His face reddened more, and he opened his mouth to say something.

I never gave him the chance to speak.

Before I could process what I was doing, I'd moved, grasping his wrists in my hands and shoving him roughly against the wall. My movements were not quite as careful as his, but I was more successful in kissing him. There was no pain, just the delicate feeling of our lips touch. I vaguely felt that I was cheating on Ginny. Wait, who was Ginny?

As I pulled back, the poor Slytherin appeared to be a little dizzy, and his knees gave out on him. I was even more amused as he sank to the floor.

Severus was definitely fun to tease.


	5. Chapter 5

That encounter was the first in a series of what would become regular meetings. Secret, special times for just the two of us.

It frustrated me a little that Severus refused to meet in public, or make our friendship- more than friendship- known. He constantly reminded me that if the marauders were to find out, we would both have to suffer the consequences. I was more frustrated because he wouldn't accept that things would be fine, and there was nothing James and his friends could do about us getting along.

We weren't quite going out, or in a relationship or anything, but we were friends. Severus might have thought us more, because he would often glance over at me, then his face would turn pink and he would look away. It was kind of cute, I had to admit, but I mostly just felt sorry for him. I could never bring myself to say that there was nothing wrong with us being friends, just in case he really did think we were something more.

I was finding that Severus was a very nervous, and shy person. Whenever the thought crossed my mind, I realized I was already fully aware, though. He often spoke of the dark arts as if he were bragging about them, and while it irritated me a bit, I still couldn't bring myself to say anything about it. For some reason, I had the feeling he thought he was impressing me. I told myself that I would tell him otherwise one day; when I convinced myself there would be no reason to feel guilty for doing so.

Months were going by without so much of a thought of Ron, Hermione, my mother, and the life I'd been living before. As far as I was concerned, this was my life, and it had never been any different. My memories were quite clear now, and I was becoming more organized, and careful. I was finding it was easier to function properly as time went on. Each day simply seemed to get better.

As time went on, I felt a little trapped between the people who admired me. James was persistent, and his friends constantly bothered me because they knew he fancied me. Severus was always somewhere nearby. I had the feeling, as did the marauders, that he was stalking them, and searching for a reason to get them into trouble, or possibly expelled from the school altogether. When we were alone, he spoke poorly of the group. I didn't blame him for hating them. I didn't like them much either, but he did have some wrong opinions of them. The few times I tried to correct him, he would get irritated with me, and only speak worse of them, insisting and persisting until I simply couldn't disagree. The marauders were just the same as he was, always speaking poorly of him, as well. They were an alright group of guys, but a little cruel, and even stupid at times.

I was also finding that Severus was a bit fun to tease. I suppose I was leading him on a little bit, kissing him, or making comments that would cause him to flush and make a bit of a fool of himself. It was endearing, and I never tired of it. Picking on him was a little fun, admittedly, but full out bullying him like James and his group did was just wrong. I never took it further than making him blush. The colour on his face really made him look beautiful. When he complained, I would always apologize as well, and that seemed to be enough for him.

Time was blurring together, and I was becoming accustomed to my daily, weekly and monthly routines. Sometimes I loved the order of my life, other times I felt it was too boring, and would do something that could potentially get me into trouble. Exploring after hours, usually. I was careful enough that I was never caught, and it was almost sad how those times were the only exciting things that ever happened to me. I felt like something, some adventure was missing from my life.

* * *

><p>Before I knew it, Christmas was approaching, and it was the day I was leaving Hogwarts to return home. I vaguely recalled what home was like until then. It seemed that Severus wasn't going home this year, and I knew exactly why. I partly felt guilty for leaving, just because I knew he would be spending the holidays alone. Eventually I managed to convince myself there was no reason to feel sorry for him, however. Not having to return home, or deal with James and his friends meant Severus would likely get to relax over the holidays.<p>

It was the only way I could convince myself to leave. I missed home.

To make myself feel better, I promised Severus I would meet with him in our secret place before I was to board the train. This meant I had to be up early, even on the first morning I should have been able to relax, but I was fine with that. At the very least, I owed him something, and I couldn't exactly offer to let him come home with me. He seemed quite pleased that I was making time specially for him that morning, so I assumed he was also fine with waking up early that morning.

Severus was already waiting for me in the empty classroom when I arrived; the sight was enough to make me laugh. He was sitting on one of the desks, hands on his knees as he stared steadily at his lap. It was all too obvious that he was waiting. "Severus." I greeted, he looked up, and gave me a sort of half smile, which was huge for him. It really was cute.

"Good morning, Harry." We had long since begun to call each other by our first names again. "Did you sleep well?" He asked

I nodded. "Did you?" I returned.

Severus had to think about it for a bit, then he nodded. "I did." It was a lie, but at least he was trying to be positive. That in itself meant something.

"That's good." I also lied, though more in the sense I knew he was lying, and still pretended I had no idea.

He sighed. "You go home for break today." He was stating the obvious, but he was trying more to say that he wanted me to stay, I think.

I nodded. "I won't be gone long, though, and we can send mail." I assured him. He didn't look all that happy about it, still.

"I suppose…" His movements a little more nervous and awkward than usual. He reached up and ran his long, pale fingers through his hair. "I'll miss you." He murmured, cheeks red.

It was so cute I was afraid I might faint. "I'll miss you." I returned. His lips pursed, and I knew what he wanted.

My movements when I was approaching Severus were always careful. I wasn't exactly sure why, I just felt that he might get nervous, or run away if I moved toward him too quickly. I'd noticed that he had a habit of flinching ever so slightly when someone jerked toward him too suddenly. It never made me wonder, I already knew what might behind it, so I adapted to it. After all, I wanted to be close to him, and I felt that if I pointed it out to him, I would only make him feel more uncomfortable.

On top the desk we were sitting on, I shifted closer to him, and very slowly let my fingers glide over his. I leaned in, and heard Severus take a sharp breath in. After the first time he attempted to kiss me, he hadn't tried to make the first move again. I assumed he was too embarrassed to want to try again, in case he might mess up a second time. It didn't help that I'd teased him about it on more than a few occasions, and probably made him feel even worse about it.

As I'd done a few times before now, I pressed my lips to his, then listened to his breath hitch. I could feel the heat radiating from Severus' cheeks.

It was a more tender, tentative kiss than usual. It wasn't brief, and I didn't pull away as I usually did. It must have been because I felt bad for him.

My lips moved gently against his, and my hand slid over his, holding his hand in mine. I felt brave enough to move my tongue, and as I ran it along his lips, they parted enough that I could poke my tongue into his mouth. It was surprisingly warm, and soft. My tongue moved against his, and I heard a small, muffled sound from his throat. It was a wonderful feeling.

Then there was a sharp pain.

Yelping, I jerked my head back, my tongue sore. I could have sworn I tasted blood, but I wasn't sure. I didn't have enough time to process it, or ask Severus what was wrong when I heard laughter. Dry, broken, yet still dreadfully recognizable laughter. It was James. "Merlin." He started. I whirled around, spotting James with his hands thrown in the air. "I never thought I would see this. Harry snogging Snivellus. What's gotten into you?"

I bit down on my bottom lip, not sure what to say to him. "Nothing's wrong with him." Severus hissed in response. I was surprised that he'd even said anything at all. It couldn't have been a good idea.

"That's not for you to decide, I already know there's something terribly wrong with you." James snarled. He was reaching for his wand, and Severus for his.

"James, stop this!" I stood up, but he only looked angrier.

"I thought there was something strange going on between you and Snivellus, but this, Harry? Did you let him hex you?" He glared at Severus. "Did you hex him?"

"No!" James didn't believe him at all, and took a step toward him, enraged. I took another step toward James in exchange. I would be the one to intervene if James decided to start something violent.

James hardly seemed to realize I was there, until he glared at me as well. "You stay out of this, Harry. Don't you understand what's happening to you?" Though angry, he sounded genuinely concerned.

"Nothing's happening to me!" I assured him.

With his wand drawn, James looked ready to attack; but he didn't. Instead, he merely let his hands drop to his side, and scoffed. "Fine, I see how it is." He shrugged. "I don't have time to deal with Snivvy before my break, anyways. I'll deal with this, and the both of you later. A couple weeks should be enough time for whatever potion you drank to wear off, I'm sure." He shrugged again, then turned on his heels. Before either Severus, or myself could say or do anything, he was gone.

There was a heavy atmosphere in the room, and it never left, even after Severus and I did. Neither of us knew what to expect from James, but surely he would do something about this later, as he threatened.

* * *

><p>The train ride was awful.<p>

At least, the first half hour or so was awful. My stomach was sore with nerves. James would surely do something. If not physically, then by spreading nasty rumours. Poor Severus would probably be stressed all winter.

I didn't much want to face anyone, or be around when word got out that Severus and I had kissed. There was no doubt in my mind that James would waste no time in informing everyone on the train.

When the first twenty or so minutes passed without word from anyone, however, nor were there any breaks in the usual faint murmur about the train, I felt relieved. He would definitely say something to someone, but maybe it wouldn't be until after break that he would do anything.

The only person to ever come by, and join me was Remus, who appeared to be upset as I felt. He sat down across from me, arms folded across his chest, in much the same manner mine were. "Your friends are jerks." I told him, only because I needed someone to vent to.

"I know." He muttered through gritted teeth. He likely needed the same thing.

I had the feeling he was more upset with them than I was, as hard as it was to believe. "What happened?" I asked, feeling slightly better knowing someone else was suffering just the same as me.

"Sirius happened." Remus murmured, almost reluctantly. He turned his head away from me.

"What did Sirius do?" I couldn't imagine why Remus would be angry with Sirius, unless Sirius ate his homework, or something.

Still, Remus seemed upset enough that it must have been something more. "I don't understand how women could be his main priority." I assumed Sirius must have been hitting on some girl(s) again.

"And Quidditch" I added.

Remus nodded slowly, and released a sigh, shoulders sinking. "I'm not sure I feel valued as his friend anymore."

"Of course you're valued." I told him. He looked up at me, looking a bit miserable. "Sirius likes to have girls and fans around him, but if you ever really needed him, he would be right there. He always is right there for you, isn't he? He cares for you much more than he cares for them, you should know that. Don't be silly." I hated having to stick up for Sirius, who I felt was as much a jerk as James was, but Remus was truly upset, and even if it brought me comfort, I also couldn't help but do something when I could.

I even felt a little better as Remus straightened up. "You're right. I'm being silly." He sighed again, and found himself a chocolate bar to nibble on. He offered me a second, but I refused. I didn't think I could hold anything down. "Perhaps I'm over thinking things. He's been spending more time than ever with girls, lately. I'd have thought he'd gone through all the girls in the school by now and moved on, but I suppose it just comes with being a teenage boy." Remus wasn't like that, though, so it must have been difficult for him to understand.

"It'll pass." I assured him, and he nodded.

It was nice to see that at least one of the marauders was human, and had insecurities just like any other human might; Remus was actually a relatively nice guy, I realized.

We chatted the entire train ride, and by the time we got off, we were on a first name basis. Remus was much different from his friends. He really was decent.

I was happy for him as well, when Sirius apologized to him for whatever was upsetting him and promised to make it up for him later. Remus seemed happy about it. I was beginning to have mixed feelings about how this break was going to be for me.

So far, luckily, it didn't seem as if James had said anything to anyone, which meant I could relax for a little while.

I would worry about what would happen after the break later. There had to be something I could do about him, but for now my family deserved my full attention.


	6. Chapter 6

Returning home again was nice. Over the first couple days, I had to fight to shake off the deep sense of dread from my bones. James was troubling. He was nothing but a pigheaded child with a big ego, and he was selfish enough that he didn't care about how he might hurt others by doing exactly as he pleased. I was more worried for Severus than myself, though. I could only imagine what he must have been going through back at Hogwarts. He wasn't going home over the break, which saved him some trouble… but it also meant he was left to stress on his own.

By the third day in, I'd worried myself enough to write him a letter.

_Severus;_

_How has your break been so far? I've been fine, myself. There's not as much snow on the ground here as there is at Hogwarts. It's only been a few days, so you must think it's stupid of me to miss you already. Actually, I've just been worried for you here. It must get lonely at Hogwarts with no one around to keep you company. Of course, you'll probably tell me that it's better when no one's around, with the peace and quiet and all. There are probably at least a few students with you. I hope you're getting along with them. Don't be difficult!_

_Anyways, I wanted to know how you were feeling about our little issue with James. I hope you're not planning to hex him or anything. While I have been a little worried about it myself, I hope you're not letting the matter trouble you too much. So far he hasn't said anything, so the train ride was pleasant. I hope you're well, and be good!_

_Love, Harry._

I sent the letter by owl, and as it took off, I felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off my chest. I was able to enjoy my break from there, for the most part.

My parents were happy to have me around again, they reminded me every chance they got. They often spoke of how proud they were of me, and asked me how my year had been going. Every so often, they would insist on me showing them spells I'd learned, but I reminded them that I was underage, and I would get in trouble if I did. They were disappointed, but luckily understood.

Petunia was not as happy to have me around, unfortunately. Before Hogwarts, we'd been very close, but now she made it very clear to me that she wanted nothing to do with me. She sat around in a huff whenever our parents would praise me, which was something they did quite often. It hadn't been like that before I received my letter; we'd been treated equally, but now they treated me like I was superior to Petunia. I was special to them. I didn't ask for it; I didn't even want it, but I was. It was understandable that Petunia would be jealous of me, and even angry at me. Even if I did try to explain to her. I couldn't even be angry with her; I missed having a sister.

The days were not nearly as exciting as Hogwarts was, with no magic or friends- mind you, I did have muggle friends- around to share my time with. Nonetheless, I was enjoying myself. It wasn't often that I got to visit with my family anymore, and it was only because they were non-magic. Sometimes it felt like we were trapped in two very different worlds, and we were. I wasn't a part of my family, not really, so at times I had no idea what Petunia really had to be jealous of. At least she was a real part of the family.

* * *

><p>Christmas came quick, and by then, school was seldom on my mind. Only at night, when I had nothing better to think about did I worry about what returning to school would bring for both Severus and myself. The entire family gathered for Christmas dinner. Only my parents and Petunia were aware that I was a wizard, which meant that we had to lie when someone asked about me, and where I was going to school. Our cover story was that I was attending a world renowned school for genius', which only frustrated Petunia more.<p>

There was only peace as the night came to an end, and I was lucky enough to get my room to myself- Petunia complained lots because she had to share her room, and I didn't. I did feel bad for her, but there was good reason. We couldn't have anyone finding out about me.

I was pleased when I returned to my room to find a letter, and a small package resting on my bed. Over the course of the break, I'd received a few letters and packages from my friends, but I hadn't been too excited about any of them. This was different. The poor quality paper and packaging made the sender all too clear. Severus had sent me a letter, and a tiny package. I was thrilled. Though it had taken awhile, Severus had written me back.

Sitting down on my bed, I opened up the letter first, my eyes scanning over the chicken scratch.

_Harry,_

_Don't worry so much about me, I'm fine. Things are settled here, it's nice. I haven't wasted a thought on James, but it's good that he hasn't spoken to anyone yet. Don't let your guard down, though. James is a filthy little git, he'll find a way to mess everything up somehow. He always does. Enough about that. Sorry I didn't write back to you sooner, I've been working on… stuff. I figured I would at least write for Christmas. Happy Christmas, by the way. I haven't been thinking about Christmas, either, but I still got you a gift. It isn't much, but it's something. I hope you like it, or at least don't hate it. Don't worry about sending anything in return, I just thought I should send you something. Happy Christmas. Again. I'll see you soon._

_Love Severus._

Love was scribbled out furiously.

I laughed to myself as I read, finding the letter pretty cute. Words and entire lines were crossed out furiously, leaving little holes in parts of the parchment. It wasn't much, but he'd put a lot of thought into the letter, and so I was happy. He must have been sitting there for hours, trying to figure out what he was going to write. It was just like Severus to think too hard about a silly little letter.

Setting the letter aside, I lifted the package onto my lap, removing the wrapping with extra care. I wasn't sure what was inside, but I already thought that it was something special.

Inside the package, I found a small sewn bunny. The black fabric that was used was a little tattered and old, and it looked like it had been sewn by hand, but I was filled with warmth. I could only imagine how much thought and effort he'd put into the gift. It was so small, but it was meaningful.

I wrote twice more to Severus over the break. Once on Christmas, with a small charm I'd picked up for him earlier during the break, and again just a few days before it was time to return to Hogwarts. My parents were sad to see me go, but I assured them that I was doing well in school, and would continue to do so, and so they had to let me go.

The train ride back was about as eventful as the ride home. I was satisfied with sitting around with my friends this time, and I was relieved to find that James still hadn't said anything to anyone. Which meant there was peace.

The best part of the entire trip was returning to Hogwarts, standing in front of the building again knowing I was back. Mostly, I was excited to see Severus again, and anxious about what James might do.

* * *

><p>Sorry for such a late update everyone.<p>

It's been awhile, and things got busy.

Anyways, if you have any suggestions or requests for events that could happen in the future, by all means, let me know.

It may be included in the future.

Thank you!


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